Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize