So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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