Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
