Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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