there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
