The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
