My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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