I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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