Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
