Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
