I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
