I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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