ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
