I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
