No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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