Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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