I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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