So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
