Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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