take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
