yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
