I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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