I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
