fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
