Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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