so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize