Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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