my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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