Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
this hospital has no fireball
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize