they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
