As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
