Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
