yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Randomize
