Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
