please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
