yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
