This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
