just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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