the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize