So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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