This is not my ceiling
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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