Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
