Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
