sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize