Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
