Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So many bounce houses so little time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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