butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That's intense
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
