I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you would pick up someone in the library
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
