I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
