I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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