When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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