If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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