He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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