the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
