omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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