I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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