Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
