Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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