A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
