He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
