i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
