was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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