bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just googled if crying burns calories
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
