South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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