he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
